what a long strange trip it's been.....

....so, anyone that remembers that song, can relate. whew! can i just say, from my perspective, this road i am on is interesting, to say the least: i still get caught crying every day, i am having weird side effects of the medication/chemo i am taking, and my family and friends CONstantly blow me away.

you see? there's a fine line i get into sometimes where i think people are just bein nice because i'm a cancer girl now and am taking chemo. i know that does not sound very gracious of me, but i don't remember receiving so much kindness before this. maybe it's a combination that now i need help and people are more than willing to help; but also that i really NEED the help, so i'm letting people into my heart and my life like i never did before. giving can be so much easier; whereas receiving has been a total mind blower that literally can knock me to my knees and make me an emotional mess from the magnanimous moments of time, gifts, food, prayer and friendship.

weird side effects: constipation (whippee), one night of complete and utter helplessness from vomiting, cramping and abdominal pain, blotches on my face which is new, my skin is always dry and itchy because of the dryness, i can never drink enough water because i'm always dehydrated, and i have a metal taste in my mouth that has changed the taste of my smoothies, and other foods. my energy level is back down to pretty much givin up ghost about 1/2 in the afternoon. thoughts of going out with friends at night are usually sketchy...always fun...but i'm usually told i look tired by the end of it (not at all the look i was going for) :)

i am getting in walks, but without oliver. he is a sweet boy but doesn't behave well on leash (as pam would know), so i've foregone taking him for now. it isn't that he misbehaves, he just has a dislike for other dogs that are walking on the street at the same time he does :)

family and friends blow me away: spending time with me because they actually really want to (amazing!), taking me to movies and out to dinner (such a blessing to see the world outside of my house), bringing me delicious home-made soups, advice on the housing market, having help with my firewood, my yard, cutting of my lawn, and help from work friends with financial giving and sharing of their time-off. not to mention, the hugs, prayers, extended prayer chains/church groups, words of comfort, words of wisdom, words of encouragement, love, sharing of stories...and listening ears and hearts. wow, blown away. and all of this, i know from God, of which i am thankful He is placing me on this path.

i daily do not know what is around the bend from day to day; i totally live my life as if in limbo, not knowing how the chemo will affect me, not knowing how i'll feel from one day to the next. what i know is that i had cancer, i am on chemo, i have the love of the Lord as evidenced by my family and friends...and i continue to try and do my part by keeping my heart open, as well as my hands, and especially my eyes and ears to hear how He has this planned out.

so, with that, it's a beautiful, sunny day! i think i'll go for a short walk...get the "stink blown off", like my mom and dad would say :)
have a most awesome day
God bless
cathy