now 6 weeks post op and Xeloda started.....

hi everyone...just wanted to write a quick update as to wazzup wid me. first, wow!, the last blog i wrote sounded like i was writing an Admission Summary for my job, after having interviewed a patient earlier in the day...whew!

it is not easy to assume/guess that i am having waaaaay difficulty in still realizing that i received a diagnosis of cancer. but i did receive one, cuz i see people's lips moving, and that's what they tell me. AND i am seeing medical professionals who want to draw my blood, give me chemo and see me every 3 weeks.....so, i keep telling myself that i have to believe them. wow, what a long strange trip this continues to be.....

so, weigh leigh your fears, however...i'm beginning cancer counseling today, and will be seeing her every other week - on orders of the oncologist. i guess i'll get my head screwed on right there about these last few months. can't seem to do it on my own at home, crying every day. :)

of note, i started the chemo medication: Xeloda on monday night. they are 500mg tablets of which 3 i take in the morning and 4 at night - totaling 3500mg of chemo a day. so, as you can imagine, i find myself holding my breath, waiting to feel effects/side effects in my body. so, far good, except for tingling of the palms of my hands.

friends and family have been awesomely awesome. i really can't say enough. through emails, facebook, phone calls, people taking me to the show, long drives; everyone makes me laugh, and everyone has been so helpful: bringing wood in for me, cleaning my yard, taking me on drives, listening to me whine, and of course, prayers :) thank you to everyone so much.

on the financial side...which i will definitely just leave up to God from now on, i will be defaulting on my home loan this month. this has been a tough home to hold onto anyway, but when there's no end in site as to when i'll be back to work, it is a tough decision, but one that has to be made.

i would love to say that i'll be back to work in march, but i do not know the effects of this chemotherapy as yet. currently, my strength has built from the surgery in december, cuz i have been eating very extremely healthy; but chemo is to deplete it again, so they say...maybe it won't, since i've strengthened myself from within. frankly, i feel like my whole life is just a crap shoot right now. that's not a good place for someone like me who tends to control, too much, and wants to know whazup as much as possible. :)

thanks for listening...continued prayers are awesome! that's it on the home front
love and God bless
cathy